Bet-Nahrain Forum

To Benjamin Daniali: The code of honor for Samurai. Warning. Very bad humor infested.

Posted By: Persi (ip68-108-15-6.lv.lv.cox.net)
Date: Sunday, 9 July 2006, at 4:31 p.m.

Benjamin Daniali

You still have not answered my two questions. I will repeat them here:

“Do you know what ‘Samurai’ means and in what circumstances they are required to take their lives?”

Since you did not answer, I will answer with some humor (my way). That is my Sunday Karezotha and I am not asking for any Mashkhatha. “Samurai” means “to serve.” That was easy. Now, the answer to my second question:

After my prodigious research, I ascertained that there is indeed a code of honor for these fat fellows in which there are references to suicide. I know you started a serious subject (something about “a vacuum,”) and I hope you are not offended by this post. If you are, just do not ban me to Siberia where toothless 90-year old roams the snow-covered streets for a young prey with a body frame of a humor writer.

Samurai is required to commit suicide when:

1. He discovers his young bride in not a virgin. They take these things very seriously. I guess 21 Century does not mean much to them.

2. He finds out that all his Samurai friends are circumcised. The code of Samurai clearly shows that they have to be circumcised, if they are not, they have to cut their life (nothing else) short. His parents failed to circumcise him because they were too busy watching soccer.

3. In order to better the relationship of the two countries, the Emperor of Japan orders Samurai to date one of the Liposuction Queens of the Bay area. Due to the stress of dating one of those “ladies,” the Samurai develops pimples on his rear end; however, he cannot see a dermatologist, because, touching a Samurai’s rear end is a sin.

I know what you are thinking. I am making up these things. When the code was written few thousands years ago, how could have they predicted the emergence of the Bay Area’s Liposuction Queens? You are right. The code does not mention them. But it does mention that since a Samurai has to expose his rear end, if he has pimples, he simply has to commit suicide. No one wants to see a Samurai with pimples on his rear end, unless he is a dermatologist from San Francisco.

4. A Samurai’s son has developed an attraction to skinny men. This is a “no” “no” and the punishment is a double suicide. What is that? Samurai kills himself twice. What is so strange about that? Nothing is impossible in the world of these people.

5. There is more; however, I am running out of time.

For the next few days, I will be very busy; therefore, I will not be posting. I have several Samurais who have heard about my scholarly research about their code and need my advice. They want to ensure whether they should commit suicide. What a life I am living. I have become a Samurai consultant. Perhaps I will make so much money from these rich Samurais that I can retire in sunny Florida where the 90-year olds can afford to buy a denture.

Persi